Older relatives carry names, places and stories that exist nowhere else. A relaxed conversation with them can be the single most valuable step in your research. Here is how to prepare, and 25 questions to bring along.
Before you sit down together
- Choose a comfortable setting. A familiar room with a cup of tea works better than a formal interview.
- Bring photographs. Old pictures often spark memories that direct questions cannot.
- Ask before recording. A voice recording lets you listen rather than scribble, but always get permission first.
- Keep it short. Forty-five minutes is plenty. You can always arrange another chat.
Their early life
- What is your full name, and were you named after anyone?
- When and where were you born?
- What was the house you grew up in like?
- Who lived in your home when you were a child?
- What games did you play, and who were your friends?
Parents and grandparents
- What were your parents' full names, including your mother's maiden name?
- Where were they born, and what work did they do?
- How did your parents meet?
- What do you remember about your grandparents?
- Did any relatives live with your family or nearby?
Places and moves
- Did the family ever move to a new town or country? What made them go?
- Which places do you think of as the family's home?
- Were there any relatives who lived far away?
Work, school and daily life
- Where did you go to school, and what were your favourite subjects?
- What was your first job?
- What was a typical day like when you were young?
- How did big events of the time affect the family?
Traditions and stories
- Which festivals or celebrations were most important to the family?
- Are there recipes that have been handed down?
- What stories were told again and again at family gatherings?
- Was there a relative everyone talked about? Why?
Records and keepsakes
- Do you have any old photographs, letters or certificates?
- Is there a family Bible or book with names written in it?
- Are there any heirlooms with a story behind them?
- Who else in the family might remember more?
Tip: Family stories nearly always contain a kernel of truth, even if details have shifted over the years. Write them down exactly as you hear them, then look for records that confirm or correct them.
After the conversation
Write up your notes the same day while everything is fresh. Add any new names and dates to your tree, mark each one with "told by" and the date, and list the questions the conversation raised. Those become your next research goals. Then send a thank-you message; you may well want to talk again.